My Take on Life

There comes a time in your life when you are not a kid anymore nor are you ready for the retirement home. The in between is when you are trying to figure out what the heck you are going to do with your life. When you are a child you have MANY adults telling you what to do, what to say, and “don’t do that.” Life then is pretty easy when you learn the rules. Then young adult sneaks up on ya. What a shock! People expect you to know what you want to do for the next 40 years, when you barely know what you are going to be doing in the next 8 hours!

Life is just confusing. As you get older you think you have it all figured out. You go to school, get a job, get married, and live the American dream. NOT! Life jumps in and snaps you like a whip. The company you  work for is moving to Mexico, your spouse tries to understand but sees greener  grass across the street and leaves you with the whole bag. Morgage, bills and kids. You think you will never climb out of this pit. Then, life happens again. New job, better pay, kids are close to graduating and it appears things are going to better for awhile. Middle age is working for you. You are content in your life. Have a long time love in your life, a beautiful home, money in the bank and one of the best things..you have grandkids ..call you grandpa or grandma. Yes, life has finally turned  it’s shining face in your direction.

All of this story is fiction. Now I will start sharing what could be anyone’s life as you get older. I work part time in the laundry room of a local retirement home. Many people there I am sure have went through some or most of the things I wrote about in the previous paragraph. Peoples clothes tell you alot about that person. When I started I was surprised at the type of clothing older people wear. Many of the ladies still wore underwire and padded bras, or sport bras! I just figured that they wouldn’t wear one at all. I know I am much more comfortable without one. The ladies mostly wear polyester pull on slacks but a few still have jeans..real zip up, button up jeans. Most have beautiful clothing that they will wear if they have company or a party at the home.Many have silky panties and silky night gowns. The men usually wear briefs and a few boxer briefs. Men usually stay with jogging pants and tee shirts or when called for they will dress up in trowsers and dress shirt.

I do enjoy my job there, older people have so much to offer if you just take the time to listen to them. The hard part of my job is coming into work and seeing that someone I had usual contact with had passed away. They make their bed in a white bedspread. I recently went in one room that a married couple shared the room. She was sitting alone in her wheelchair staring out the window. She had lost her husband the day before. I couldn’t talk to her because I was already teared up when I saw the spread. Face it, life isn’t fair at any age.

Since I have worked there I have made some comparisons. So many things we have or do during our childhood is repeated in our old age.We are born crying and throwing a holy fit because we have been taken out of the warmth we have known for 9 months. Older, we are taken out of the home where we have lived for many years. As a child we had walkers to help us learn to walk. Now we have walkers to keep us from falling. Younger, a bib was put on when we ate to keep our clothes clean when we eat. Older, we have bibs to limit the mess we make. Younger we had  a stroller and  pushed around by our parents. Older, we have wheelchairs pushed around by workers. Younger, pearly white teeth. Older, you may stilll have them but some sit in a cup of water over night.

This is my take on life. Do what you can for the people you care about, give to charities of your choice. Stay young as long as you can but don’t be afraid to grow old. There are loving and caring people there for you when you need them. I know whereof I speak…I am one of them!

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This entry was posted on December 11, 2016. 2 Comments

Changes

Everything Betty 13Dec2015changes. Given enough time we grow from toddler to teenager to adults and then to older people. It seems all that change goes too quickly, much faster as you look back from the older age. I noticed that I had not written anything since April. My life has changed. I had good and not so good changes. My life was very scheduled. I would get up have breakfast go over to visit with mom, maybe do some laundry, or pick up the house a bit. Then start lunch for Brady, mom and myself. After noon mom and I might go to the store or go visit someone. Things were good and non stressful.

May 27, 2016 mom went into the hospital after they found out that the valve in her aorta was not opening like it should. About two months prior to that she got into the car with me and I asked her if she was okay. She was having trouble catching her breath. She was to see the doctor the following Friday and I told her to be sure to tell her about that. She did and got her into see a cardiologist right away. She went into the hospital. They put a stent in and wanted her to come back June 2nd for some more testing. Brady had a new knee put in May 31st. I was staying with him so my brother Daryl brought mom down to Sioux Falls for the needed tests. Brady was released June 3rd. I went over to visit with mom when I got him in and settled for a bit. She looked worn out. She had some tough tests on Thrusday. I have had those tests and it was hard on me and I am 32 years younger than her. We talked a bit and I had left food for her before I left with Brady but it was barely touched. I offered to warm something up for her. She said she would just have some strawberries. I was there about 45 minutes and I asked how she felt. She said that she was very tired. I told her I would leave so she could go to bed. I gave her a hug, told her I loved her…and she told me “I love you more.” That was the way we always ended our days. Little did I know that would be the last time I said that to her. I had told her that I would be over early in the morning to do her blood pressure and weight. I left. Next morning (June 4th) I saw that her bathroom light was on and thought she was up early. I peeked around the corner and found that the Lord had come and taken her before I found her. Her beautiful shell was there, but the Lord had seen her struggle and took her “home.” When my father passed away my brother found him.

My mom was so ready for her trip to heaven. I am 61 years old and there was never a day of all those years that she would not say how blessed she was and how she had to add someone to her prayers. Just a little side track here. When my mom would say that she would pray for you…she REALLY meant it! The morning that she passed away I went into her room and there on her bed were books (always many books) and on her bed also were hand written names. Her hand written names of people and why she was praying for them. My brother was on the list for his shoulder and his wife because of her hands. There were about 35 people on that list. She prayed for many people and they probably didn’t even realize it.

When she came home from the hospital on June 27th I had put a sign on her door that read. “Welcome home mom! We all have missed you!” I am sure there was a sign like that when dad and Allen and her parents welcomed her “home.”

It has been over a month now. Brady is doing great with his new knee. Just two more weeks of therapy. I went through and cleaned out mom’s apartment and garage. She was interested in so many things it was a bit of a challenge deciding what to do with everything. One of her favorite phrases was “pitch it” and I took her advise with some things..lol.

I miss my mom very much and would give my next breath to have her back but I couldn’t do that to her. She is where she should be. Don’t get me wrong, I would still love to run over to her apartment and tell her some kind of news or something that I got in the mail. I loved having her live so close to me and able to pop in several time a day. I am very thankful that I had the last nearly five years with her to love and share my life with her. I know it was very hard on her when I was in Mayo. I could see it in her eyes when she would come to visit me. When I was put on the transplant list I had one prayer and only one prayer for my mom. I prayed every day that the Lord would take my mom before me because I didn’t want her to go through losing another child. I saw what it did to her when she lost Allen. I didn’t want her to go through that kind of pain again. The Lord answered my prayer, and I am very grateful. He gave us almost three more years together also!

When I was a kid I thought, “I have a long time before I die.” At that time I still had my grandparents, my mom and dad, and my two brothers. They were ALL older than me..that was a child’s thought. My grandparents passed away, my dad passed, my brother is still missing, my mom has now passed away…it is just me and my brother Daryl….and then there were two. That pushes us right up to the top of the line!

Next week I will be going to Mayo for my three year checkup with my liver! I will also be checked from Oncology to make sure there aren’t any cancers running wild. I will be there three days…that will give them plenty of time to peek, poke and prod at everything…which…is a good thing!

There, everything did change, and time marches on. I am not the same person I was a month ago. I thank the Lord for giving me the strength to get me through each day…one day at a time.

This entry was posted on July 16, 2016. 8 Comments

Two Rays of Sunshine

Sometimes you just go traveling the same road that is the one you are used to. The one that is paved and known to you. Nothing much different, but very comfortable. Then one day you are given the opportunity to jump off that road and have a hoot and a holler with people that make you feel smart, entertaining, and just plain fun.

That is exactly what happen to me this week. A dear friend of mine was enlisted by her daughter to watch and keep her four children while they made a trip to another state for a family emergency. My friend is kind woman with a big heart. She took on the job of caring for her four grandsons ages 12, 9, twins 3 and the youngest 2. The youngest did go with mom and dad. My friend has health issues and I  knew this was going to be a challenge for her. When she told me about this sometime ago I told her to call me if she needs help. I would be more than happy to bring a couple hands to help. She only called me one day and I was thrilled!

This is where the fun begins! The two older children had to go to school. That left the twin three year old boys home with grandma. I have no little people in my life. It has been at least 10-20 years since I have had the chance to be around kids this age. I was with the twins for roughly five hours and had the best time I have had in a long time!

They are three years old and everything is new to them. They are full of questions, and are trying to make this world their own..even if it is just to the limit of their home.
I had forgot how their little eyes see everything! I had on a pair of jeans that had a hole in the knee. It actually had some fibers still covering it yet. The little boy asked what that was. I told him I had a hole in the leg of my jeans. He then asked what the fibers were and I told him they were just threads. He then looked at me and asked if my skin was under the threads..lol. I got  tickled. I never would have thought of that question.

I had such a fun morning with these little men! They are intelligent beyond their years(thanks to mom and dad.) They care about the people around them. I told one that he would have to share with his brother and he didn’t want to. The tears welled a bit because he didn’t get his way but I think he realized that was the right thing to do, and did share. Their love abounds! One of the boys wanted to sit on my lap. He sat there a bit and told me to put my arms around him while he played his game. ALL of their children are amazing people.

We played with Lego blocks, built and engineered a train, read books, wrote in their notebooks and I taught them a new song…lol. When the laundry was dry I took it out and the one little boy says “those are my underwear.” I said these are yours? “Yeah” I have a new song for you. I started to sing a song from MY childhood. “I see London, I see France, I see someone’s underpants. Not to big, not to small, just the size of a bowling ball.” I hadn’t thought of that song for many years!

As you can see I thoroughly enjoyed my time with these children. It is so interesting to see the ordinary things through the eyes of a child. They aren’t jaded in their thoughts and take everything at face value. Their mother said it the best. “ It is always an adventure here! Their innocence is comforting in a world of chaos!” God bless this wonderful family.

This entry was posted on April 14, 2016. 1 Comment

Where Did 2015 Go?

I was sitting this morning thinking here we are at the end of another year. When I was in my 20’s it seemed like a year lasted, FOREVER! The 30’s were busy with working, taking care of kids, going to programs and games. Now having hit the 6th decade things fly like a bat out of …well you know. I have given some thought about where all that time went. I am attempting to account for 8,760 hours, the amount of hours per year.

I will start off with roughly 400 hours at the gym. I try to go most days, except for the weekends. This year there was a lot of missing. Next, I fell on a patch of ice. That was 1 minute but the results of that fall took approximately 700 hours. I then spent 380 hours at Mayo Clinic due to testing and radiation. Then I had the usual shopping I estimate at about 145 hours. Cleaning and washing clothes at 520 hours. Cooking, baking and doing dishes, 185 hours. Gathering with family for holidays and just visits 75 hours. I don’t have a regular job anymore but do about 240 hours with a photographer here in town. Then I spent most of my time sleeping. I rarely get more than six hours a night but for easy figuring I put sleeping at 3,000 hours. I figured I spend about 312 hours on the computer. My phone doesn’t have the internet on it so when I am on the computer I am on my desk computer.

When you do figuring like this you are amazed how those hours add up! My total is 6957. That leaves me with 1803 hours left over for driving to appointments for Mom, Brady and myself. Spending time with friends. Reading, watching TV. Searching for things that I always “put in a place so I know where it is.” When I divided my remain number by 12 months (one year) I average about 150 hours per month to do all of the previous things.

Time is very elusive. Everyone has 8,760 hours per year. Everyone is entitled to spend their hours any way they chose. We all have to spend some of those hours on something (a job) that will provide us with comforts. Then time for the spouse, the children, games, vacations, just taking time to breath.

Next year when I have my birthday in February I will have burned up 534,560 hours in my life time. Where did they all go? I look in the mirror and I can see them. That is just fine though. We all go through good and bad. I would not be the person I am now if I had not gone through the things that made me stronger.

When we are born the Lord has already determined now many days you will live. Some hit that day sooner than we would like. Others are given many more days and years. I will take as many days as He gives me and I would be very happy with another 8,760 hours for next year.

This entry was posted on December 26, 2015. 4 Comments

Trip Down A New Road

“I have heard your prayers and seen your tears. I will heal you.” 2 King 20:5

Seems forever since I wrote anything! I looked and my last entry was September 12th. I had three appointment at Mayo and then it fell right into October with one extended visit and another visit that was just a one day trip.

Now I will try to straighten this mess out and tell you how things are going. Right NOW…I feel wonderful! My mind and my body are at peace. It did take some time to get here though. I will now start my saga.

When I last wrote I had just found out about the cancer and meeting with the Oncology doctor that radiation would be the best thing to do. Although he still had to speak with the doctor that does the radiation to determine if it was possible. September 21st I returned to Mayo and meet with Oncology and Radiation doctors and they had both decided what would be the better treatment. Both told me that they had talked with a group of other doctors, and got their opinions about what to do with the odd cancer (I told you about it in the last entry.) They discussed the options and chemo was too drastic, surgery was out, the surgeons wanted nothing to do with me because I had already had two major surgeries and they didn’t want to get in there again. It was unanimous, radiation was the way to go. They got the ball rolling pretty fast!

I returned back to Mayo September 29th. I only had two appointments that day. It was going to be a short day so we decided to do the whole trip in one day. It is 466 miles round trip. We have done it before but it sure makes for a long day. My first appointment was with lab,of course. Then they started to get me ready for my week stay in October. My next appointment was in the radiation area which is also with all cancer other treatments. I had to remove all my clothes except for underwear. I then had a robe and pants to wear. They then took me into a room that looked like a CT room. I have had MANY CT’s done, I am well aware of those! What was next was interesting. I had to remove my robe They did do a CT scan to get a bead on the cancer. Done a lot of measuring to get just the right spot to make sure they don’t hit any other organs with the radiation. I was laying on a blue sort of stiff foam. Then they positioned me into the places that went along with the measurements they had made. They covered me with a thin piece of plastic and sucked out all the air. Then they went all the way around me and pushed up the blue foam up to my body. That took some time because they had to get it around my arms, which were up above my head and also my legs and body. They were making the mold that I would lay in each day I would come to radiation. It truly was amazing all the steps to take to make sure that each time they will hit the same spot. They had me get out of the mold a few times just to make sure it worked well. It did, got dressed and started our way home. That was the end of my appointment for September 29th.

Before I left from that appointment I already had my next visit in my hand. I was to return October 5th, six days later. I was there from Monday through Friday for one treatment per day. My first radiation was at 2:45 PM on Monday. We drove over in the morning and got our things out of the car and checked into the hotel. We stayed at a hotel that is right across the street from Mayo, very handy! I went to my first appointment not really knowing what to expect…but I am pretty much like that each time I come here..lol. I prepared just like before with the robe and pants. I went into the same room and the mold that they made of my body was on the table. I just crawled right in and could tell where my arms and legs went…pretty cool! They also used the plastic film and cover me with it from my upper chest down and over my feet. They then sucked all the air out like they did before. I told them that this makes me feel really skinny! The people doing this were just super! I said none of you would remember wearing girdles or probably don’t even know what they are, but this sort of feels like wearing a girdle. Anyhow, they went behind a wall and started the procedure. It was very simple. There was a TV on the ceiling and they had it on any kind of music you wanted. There was a big machine that revolved around me. They were shooting the radiation many times from many different directions. It took about a half hour. Did that every day for 5 days. Tuesday I didn’t feel well. I took a couple Tylenol and that did help. It was a pretty long week. Only one appointment each day. We went to some of the museums at Mayo and also saw the movies about what the Mayo father and sons did for all the wars our country were involved. They were all very patriotic, and served their country well. They were truly amazing men. If you ever have the chance to tour the museums you also will be amazed!

Friday FINALLY arrived! My last treatment was at 3:00 PM. When you finish your treatment, whether it be chemo, radiation or whatever treatment you have there you get to ring the bell and everyone waiting will smile and clap for you. I wasn’t going to do it but Brady encouraged to to ring the bell. I gave it just a little ding and everyone clapped for me..that was pretty nice. We packed up the car and headed HOME! Nothing is as good as HOME!

Each day I would go for my radiation and sit in the waiting room to be called in. I saw some of the same people every day, others new. I sat there and felt so blessed that I had just this little cancer to deal with. I saw people that were so weak they could hardly stand, lost their hair, and terribly thin. It made me cry, and made me very humble to be in their presents. They, like many people, are fighting to live. It is built right into you to do anything you can do to get that next breath. I admire their tenacity! I didn’t feel that I had enough, or bad enough of a cancer that was worth ringing the bell. Brady told me it doesn’t matter what or where the cancer is you still have it and dealt with it. Thanks Brady!

I returned back to Mayo October 22nd. I made the trip alone because Brady was having trouble with his knee. It is a tough trip when you are 6’4” and a small car. He was better off staying home. I left at 2:50AM and got there and went to do labs…this time was for Oncology and then go to my appointment with my doctor. He just wanted to know how I was feeling. I had felt great the week I was taking radiation but starting the Sunday after I was finished things changed. I was terrible fatigued, diarrhea, pain in my abdomen, just felt crappy. It lasted a little over a week. I told the doctor this and he said they have no reason for why this happens but most all radiation patients report the same problems. I am normal..finally!

I don’t have to return until January 2016 and I am so excited about that! They will then do all the scans again and see if they got it, or have to beat it up again. Once again my Lord has brought me though the dark days and once again showed me sun shine. I don’t know why, or what I have ever done that I should deserve the blessing He had bestowed upon me. I am VERY grateful though! I know He has something for me to do, and will wait on Him to show me. Until then I will just continue being THANKFUL!

This entry was posted on October 31, 2015. 2 Comments

…And The Journey Continues…

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. Isaiah 43:2

If you have been keeping up with my blog you will remember the last writing was about how they found a tumor and it was cancer. I wrote that it was in my liver and how sad I was that I had a perfect liver from “Endora” and my body ruined it. August 11th I made the trip to Mayo again to meet with an Oncology doctor. I first spoke with a woman that told me I did have cancer and it was incurable. When she said that I have to admit that sort of really did just come up and slap me in the face. I should have expected it but to have it verbally put right out there sort of stunned me. She did continue what they could do to keep this cancer in check. I think she was there to tell me the doom and gloom, and she did it very well. She told me there was medication I could take to keep the cancer in check but the side effects were fatigue and diarrhea. I wasn’t thrilled with that, especially since I feel so great right now. Then she talked about Chemo. I knew that was a real possibility. She also wanted to know about me, my family and how my life is at home. She hit a spot there because I am always more than happy to tell people what a wonderful family I have. She then told me that the doctor would be in shortly and left. She gave me a lot of information and left me with time to think about what was in my future.

At that point I was sure that my life as I know it now it over. I sat there in my own thoughts for about 20 minutes before the doctor came in. I have to say he is probably the most up beat doctor I have seen. Don’t get me wrong all the doctors I have had at Mayo have been very good to me and I did get a smile out of some but, when I was in the hospital there wasn’t a lot to smile about until towards the end of my stay. I digress. The doctor was very tall, sort of wild reddish hair and a very broad smile. When he talked his eyes would dance. He is from Iceland! I have had many doctors from different countries but none of them were from Iceland! It was easy to tell he was there to do what was in my best interest.

He started with telling me that the tumor was not in my liver. I was stunned. That was the first time I had heard that. Somewhere the wires got crossed about the tumor being in my liver but then he proceeded to tell me where it is. He also told me that they have checked all my vital organs and there is no cancer in any of them. I have one little spot of cancer that is just sort of hanging out alone behind my pancreas and next to an artery, close to my spine. It is way in the back. He then told me that this is very, very rare. Most cancers are on or in a organ. He said that they rarely see this kind of cancer where it is alone and not attached to a organ. He then went on to tell me what he thought we should do about this. RADIATION. That was what he thought would be the best option. Zap it! He then told me that it is very small and felt radiation would not take it, but would control it. He also said that he was going to be at a gathering of doctors and would be present my case to them and ask if any of them had ever had cancer like this and what they did about it. For right now though, until he gets some other opinions, he was going to speak the the man that does the radiation and see if this would be possible and if he could do it.

That is where we are now. Waiting to see if the zap doctor is okay with zapping it. When he was explaining all this to me he asked how I feel. I told him I feel great. I haven’t felt this good since I was a teenager! I was okay, just never really felt up to par. He then said that he would rather not do the pills if he didn’t have to. He said you feel this well now he didn’t want to make me feel bad with the pills. There is a possibility that radiation won’t be an option. The other option will be chemo. I sincerely pray that doesn’t happen, but if it does I will deal with it. On the good side of chemo losing my hair is not a big deal for me! Between my transplants and my brain surgery I have been trying to grow hair for two years! I actually am starting to dig the bald head! Don’t have to look in the mirror, I know I look good..lol

I will be going back to Mayo September 21st to meet with the radiation doctor and also meet with the Oncology doctor again. On my schedule that I received it didn’t have anything on it about doing labs. I was so excited! Trust me, it’s all about the little things…lol. My balloon was popped yesterday. I got a call telling me they wanted labs again the 21th to check and see if they need to adjust my anti-rejection medication. They have been changing that a lot lately so I guess I am not surprised. Through all this I know that my Savior is always beside me. Guiding the doctors with their decisions. What is best for me. My faith is strong, and He will do His will. I believe that He wants me to fight though, and that is my intentions…BEAT THIS CANCER!

Another wrinkle in my life…

Joshua 1:9
I will be strong and courageous. I will not be terrified or discouraged, for the Lord my God is with me wherever I go.

If you have followed my “Adventure of a life time” you will see that I did have an adventure only a few people are allowed to entertain. Illness for years, two liver transplants, three month stay in Mayo clinic. With help from many doctors, nurses, family and friends I was restored to a whole healthy woman again. I was living the life I hadn’t had for many years. Life was easy. I only had to take anti-rejection medication every day and labs tests every three months. It was sooo good! Then about 18 months later, February 9th I slipped on a small piece of ice. That ice took me down on the concrete and knocked me out. I have wrote about this so I will just say that that was also and adventure. I did recover but later found out that very few people come out of that sort of injury as well as I did. Brain damage or death are a couple of the ways this injury could have turned out.

Through both the transplants and the brain surgeries I arrested several times. I only know this because I was told and is reflected on my records. God had his hand on me. I have NO doubt about this. There is no reason for me to be here except that God was not yet done with me. I have always thought He had brought me back for a reason. I struggled with this for some time. I just knew He would show me and my life would be completed. Maybe He did show me and I was wandering around not paying any attention…I do that often.
Last week I went back to the head doctor to find out if the crater that is still in my head suppose to be there. My husband says “you have a hole in your head.” I ignored him..lol. The doctor did tell me though that the crater is fine and everything is normal. I just have rough terrain on my head.

This year I went back to Mayo for my two year check up. I was so excited to go and show all my doctors how well I am doing. My dear friend NanRae and he daughter Sarah went with me. I did the tests and they toured around Rochester. If you have never been to Rochester, MN you are missing a beautiful city with generous wonderful people. Of course I had to start the first day off with labs. You don’t get anywhere without them getting all the bodily fluids from you. After that is was pretty busy with one after another test, a total of nine that day. The next day I had a few more tests to finish and then meet with the doctor. It is so nice there that after you get all the tests done you will find out how you come out when you speak with the doctor the last day.

I was a little nervous, you never know. She started to tell me about all the tests and results. They were sounding good. Of course she was still concerned with my weight…I must work on that. She then brought up the ultrasound of my liver. Of course I was expecting it to be perfect because I was given a perfect liver from “Endora.” She was a young 18 years old girl taken by God because her job here was finished. Her heart, kidneys, eyes…everything that could be donated. I received her liver. I was so thankful! August 6, 2015 I was told that I have a tumor in this beautiful liver. I couldn’t believe it…how is that possible? I was crushed. I let down Endora and I let down myself. I didn’t take care of the gift I was given. It was something that they had seen when I returned the first year but wasn’t very big and decided to check better the 2nd year.

My doctor did want to get right on to this tumor and see what it was. It did measure 1.9cm which is about the size of the width of a penny. She wanted to schedule a biopsy for the following day but didn’t have an opening until the following Tuesday (Aug.11th.) I was so thankful to have NanRae and Sarah with me. They listened to me and assured me that it was going to be alright. I am truly thankful that I was not there alone. I don’t think I could have handled it very well. Brady and I went on Monday before and stayed over night because I had to be there early. I checked in and got the IV and all the things the do before you have a procedure like an endoscopy. I was surprised that they would do an endoscopy to go through my throat and all the ways to my liver to get the biopsy. Very nice people. I truly think that is one of the requirement of being employed by Mayo Clinic. Treated me very well and very tender when I was coming out of the anesthetic. After I got my wits about me again we were off to see the doctor again. This doctor was new to me. I had never met him before. Very kind man, said that they wouldn’t have the results for a couple days. Told me everything could be good. Could be a fluid tumor and could be something a little more serious. He didn’t know right then.
Brady and I went home and waited. The doctor did call Aug 12, 2015 and told me that he was sorry to give me this news over the phone but knew I was anxious to find out. My tumor is cancer. They have a plan. I am currently on anti-rejection medication. They are going to starting me on another anti-rejection medication that has a cancer killing agent in it and lower my other medication. When he told me the results I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I tried to make sense talking to him but I don’t think I succeeded doing that very well. I was just sort of numb. That liver was perfect when I received it and I was destroying it. I felt like I let Endora down. She gave me the gift of life. I then had a little pity party for myself.Poor me I have cancer, I am going to die. I am going to miss out on Jennifer growing old. Hating the fact that my mom would have to lose another child. Never get older with my brother and laugh about things we did has kids. My wonderful friends. They have been with me through every step of my adventures. Always been there when I needed financial support, or a shoulder to cry on. They are the best! And Brady, how would he handle this? Brady is the love that I have waited for my whole life, ten years is not long enough. I told him that I was ill before we got married and tried to talk him out of marrying me. He told me he was in for the long run. Brady has been through everything with me. When I say everything that included helping me walk, shower me, lift me off the toilet, fix food, feed me…..EVERYTHING! How am I gong to be able to leave him?

Then I pulled myself together and am determined to give this tumor a run for it’s life. No more pity, no more crying. All that just takes away from all the great time I have left, and I refuse to give it up. With the new medication I believe I have a chance to live many more years. It will never go away but I think between God, doctors and myself we can keep it stable. My Creator restored me back to heath many times. I believe He will restore my health once again. If I have nothing, I have faith.

I am not a product of my circumstances. I am the product of my decisions…I decide to LIVE.

This entry was posted on August 15, 2015. 8 Comments